Bill jerked the steering wheel out of Jack’s hands, Errrr! swerving Jack’s red Mercedes away from oncoming traffic just seconds before a truck rounded the corner. “What the fuck man, this isn’t a joke!” Bill’s frantic eyes darted back and forth between his friend’s face and the road. It had only been ten minutes since Jack picked Bill up from the airport, and yet, here he was playing one of his dangerous little games. 

​

“You haven’t changed a bit, have you?” Jack smirked, placing one hand on the wheel while the other drooped lazily out the window. He had always been fond of games, though the ones he played were usually only fun for him.“Sorry you got startled back there,” Jack said, easing some of the tension. “But thanks for coming out, man. It’s really been too long.” 

​

Bill sat staring out the window, ignoring his friend. Why had he come back anyway? So many years had passed and they had barely spoken. After the accident—if you could call it an accident—he hadn’t been able to look at Jack the same. Hell, he could barely look at himself in the mirror. 

​

They were on their way to Stowe, Vermont, roughly twenty-three miles outside of Montpelier, Vermont, the town they both grew up in. Jack had rented a cabin for the weekend and invited Bill to stay, along with a few other mutual friends. None of them had seen Bill since he drove out to Idaho over six years ago. 

​

“Who’s going to be there again?” Bill finally spoke. 

​

“Danny and Jo Jo, Rick, Maddie Barlowe, CJ…” Jack’s voice trailed off. 

​

“Maddie, seriously Jack? Why would you invite her?” 

​

“Dude, it’s been six years, relax.” Jack pulled onto a dimly lit gravel trail. “Are you still really thinking about it after all these years? Remember our oath…It’s time to leave the past in the past, bud.” 

​

Bill shut his eyes and sank back into the seat. How was he going to make it through this weekend? Maybe he should say something came up and just get a hotel. He wanted to, but a part of him also wanted to see Maddie. 

​

He had met her back in high school, right after he found out about his parent’s divorce. Bill’s father, Steve, had been having an affair right under everyone's noses. But that wasn’t enough for him; Steve prioritized his new life—the life Bill and his mother, Colleen, weren’t a part of—so that eventually, he returned home later and later, until one night, he just never showed up. This crushed Colleen, and made it difficult for Bill to stay around the house. She’d sleep for days at a time, it seemed. 

​

Naturally then, Bill grew close to Maddie. And when prom came around, he felt excited for the first time in months. That was several years ago now but he still remembered the night vividly; her short purple dress, bare feet, and messy chestnut hair covering her shoulders.

 

The car began rocking back and forth as they headed up a driveway. “Well, we’re almost there.” Jack turned towards Bill. “Promise me you won’t think about it anymore this weekend, okay? Just try to have some fun.” 

​

The log cabin looked old and weathered—wood shingles hung from the roof and vines grew up the sides. Bill stepped out of the car and stretched his legs. It was quiet out, besides some faint chatter coming from inside the building. As a kid, Bill loved going to his aunt and uncle’s cabin in the woods. He used to go every year or so before the whole divorce incident. His entire family would be there baking casseroles—green bean, shepherds pie, mac and cheese—you name it. They’d drink Dunc’s Mill Maple Rum, laugh, play board games and eat sugar-filled desserts. Bill’s favorite was “sugar on snow,” a bowl piled high with snow and drenched in maple syrup. Those were the years Bill truly felt free. Free from his adult worries but also free from the guilt slowly dragging him through rows of knives. 

​

Jack opened the front door to the cabin as Bill followed closely behind. It was warm inside and smelled of booze-infused hot cocoa and smoked cheese. Jack headed straight for the kitchen, opened the fridge, and grabbed a beer. “You want one?” he asked. There were already several empty cans piled on top of the trash, as well as half-eaten spinach dip laying out on the counter. “Yeah, sure.” Bill leaned in to get one. 

​

As they walked toward the living room they saw their old group of friends by the fireplace, engaged in discussion. Danny stopped talking and stared, “Wow. Billy boy, hey!”

 

“Danny! Been a long time, huh?” Bill embraced him. 

Everyone got up and greeted each other before settling back down by the fire. The conversation swiftly picked back up, so Bill sat listening while he sipped his drink. 

​

“I know, it’s pretty crazy, right? I mean, it’s been so long, I wanted to give up. I almost did, but we finally have some evidence,” Maddie said, turning away before their eyes met. 

​

“That’s great news, Mad!” Joy patted her back. “We all know how hard this has been on you and your family.” 

​

Jack cleared his throat, “Evidence? After all these years?” He stared down at his drink.

 

“Look, Maddie, we all miss Sterling, but. That just doesn’t make sense.” He paused, tilting his can to one side. “It was an accident. Everyone knows that.” 

​

“He would have never been out there by himself, Jack. It doesn’t make sense. Plus, the second autopsy report came back with something different. I can’t just let this go like everyone else…I won't quit until I know for sure.” 

​

Sterling wasn’t just Maddie’s brother, he was one of the group’s best friends growing up, and he went nearly everywhere with Jack and Bill during their childhood years. It was Sterling who brought Bill close to Maddie during the toughest years of his life, and it was Sterling’s death that drove him away after graduation.

 

“So are we going to play that drinking game, or what?” CJ broke the silence. The talking started back up immediately, but Maddie had walked off towards the kitchen, with Bill following after her. 

​

“Hey, you doing okay?” He put his hand on her shoulder. 

​

“It was never ruled an accident,” she said flatly. 

​

He studied her face for a moment, noticing all of the creases around her forehead and the dark purple bags under each eye. She was a wreck, and he knew it. No amount of time could fix what happened that night. 

​

Jack was blackout drunk when he took the first swing. They were fighting over something small and petty, something Bill couldn’t even remember now. Two hormonal teenagers displaying their toxic masculinity until one couldn’t. Until one lied motionless on the ground, drowning in a pool of blood. Bill swore he heard a crunch when Sterling’s head crashed to the ground, but the memory was a little hazy. “You have to help me carry him down the hill!” Jack yelled. Bill staggered towards them, frightened and confused. After several moments of staring at his friend’s limp body, and double-checking that he wasn’t breathing, the two carried him down the hill to the river. They drug him to the point with the highest water level before placing him face down into the water.

 

Maddie waved papers in front of Bill’s face, shaking him from the past. “I’ve been in contact with the police all this time, and they let me dig through his files. I’ve seen his autopsy report, Bill. He didn’t drown.” 

​

He knew she was right. He wanted to tell her, and more than anything he wanted her to move on with her life. She was thin, frail, and solemn. She wasn’t the girl he once knew, and it was partly his fault. 

​

Jack entered the kitchen just as Maddie was leaving. “What are you doing in here?” He bent down, reaching into the fridge for another beer. 

​

“Just chatting,” Bill replied, before continuing, “look, I think it’s time,” he glanced over his shoulder, “time to come clean.” 

​

Jack stood up and put his finger against Bill’s lips before pulling him into a hallway. “Are you insane?” 

​

“She’s not doing well, Jack. This is ruining her life. We have to do this if we want her to have a normal life.” 

​

“You’ve always been weak, you know.” Jack squinted his eyes. “You could never handle anything. Not even a joke.” 

​

“Do you really only care about yourself?” Bill asked.

 

“You’re the selfish one! You’d let me get locked up just because your soft ass can’t handle a little white lie.” 

​

“It’s someone’s life we’re talking about!” 

​

“Uh, what’s going on you two?” Joy said. Her and Rick were standing in the kitchen behind them, holding a case of beer. 

​

“Just blowing off some steam, Jo Jo. Now let’s go play some games. It’s what we came here to do, right?” Jack grinned. 

​

They walked back into the living room, just as everyone broke out into a chant—“chug, chug, chug, chug!” CJ’s head was tilted back while he held his beer upside down against his mouth. Just like old times, right? It was supposed to be. But Bill just couldn’t shake the disturbed feeling burning inside him. He decided he would tell her. Not tonight, but he would do it before the weekend was over. 

​

“I’m going to turn in a little early tonight,” Bill stood up. 

​

“Okay, man. You’re planning on tagging along tomorrow though, right?” Danny asked. “Yeah, of course. I’ll see you all in the morning.” He headed towards the long hallway that jutted off into separate bedrooms, throwing his backpack down on one of the empty beds. 

​

That night, he tossed and turned more often than usual, drifting in and out of sleep. He woke to the sound of a creaking door, followed by heavy footsteps. God damn it, go to sleep, he thought. The noise continued for several more minutes until the footsteps moved further away.

 

It was an old cabin with thin walls. You could practically hear someone whispering on the other side of the cabin without trying. Bill rolled over and began dozing back off when a warm hand wrapped around his mouth. “I’m so sorry,” he heard Jack’s voice, “an oath is an oath.” 

​

---

​

Light crept through Bill’s window, arousing his heavy eyes. Had he been dreaming the whole time? There was knocking at his door. 

​

“Hey, you up man? We’re about to eat breakfast,” Danny knocked louder. 

​

Bill tried to respond, but he couldn’t. Was he still dreaming? He only seemed to have control of his eyes. This must be sleep paralysis. Bill had heard of it before, plenty of times, but he’d never actually experienced it. Everything felt so real, though. 

​

Boom, boom. “Hey, B boy! You up? We’ve got to get going soon,” CJ said. Yes, yes I’m up, Bill thought, shit. 

​

“I hope you’re decent,” CJ swung the door open. 

His face hovered over Bill’s as they looked into each other's eyes. “Bill?” He tapped him repeatedly on the shoulder. “Bill, stop playing man, this is weird.” He shook him back and forth, “Someone come in here!” 

​

Maddie rushed in, “What is it?”

 

“I don’t know, he won't answer me.” 

“Check his pulse, is he breathing?” 

“Yeah, look! His eyes are moving.” 

“Maybe we should call an ambulance?” 

“Fuck, let me find my phone.” 

“Help me sit him up first!” 

​

“How about I take him?” Jack walked in with his jacket on and a bag over his shoulder. “They won't get here fast enough, and besides, we don’t have service out here, remember?” 

​

“Are you sure? I’ll run down the street and try right now.” Danny was tying his shoes. 

​

“No hey, I’ll get him the help he needs,” Jack moved towards the bed. “Just grab his feet and help me get him inside the car.” 

​

No, no, no. Don’t let him near me, Bill thought as Jack’s hands slid around his shoulders. Please, don’t let him near me! Bill tried to shout, but all he could do was blink.